I know well through my schizophrenia in the past 4 years or more that there are malevolent creatures or beings connected with me with the intention to feed on my energies and harm me. I don’t know if these are demons or ghosts or something else. But for the sake of writing, I will use the word demons because what they do is very demonic. I don’t know how they connect with us. Maybe they have a prior connection from previous births, maybe they connect during our birth through our birth mother or just randomly through relatives or friends. They surely have a mind of their own and are seemingly mostly vibrations or have a very subtle body. When they connected with me in 2019 there was a cloud of vibrations that felt like craving and slipperiness that was thrown over me. Suddenly. There was some connection before that also but the how and why of that I will explain in another blog. In this blog I will only discuss what it looks like to have demons on you and how they manifest through you. In my case the schizophrenia has been very severe from the start. It’s like the worst demons came to me. They surely are able to connect physically and with our minds.

It started in 2019. I was sitting in my house in VA doing something on my laptop, when something caught hold of me and gave me electrical shocks into my eyes and ears neural circuits. I could not see or hear for 20-30 secs. The current was given to the back of my neck-somewhere near my cerebellum. It was not my imagination nor a physical or mental thing. It happened suddenly. I cried and asked for forgiveness for a min or so and then it let me go. This happened to me twice. A while after that I also had those demons throw in some vibrations onto me and torture me physically. After that they connected to different parts of my body. They did movements that I could feel and partially see (like blurred images) that connected my body points to their bodies. Then after that they were able to do movements inside my body.

There were many events before this that also pointed to the fact that the demons were up to something. But it only became a possession after 2019. Before that there were attempts to break through my body and mind to connect with me and harm me so I would become vulnerable to their attacks. A few such attacks were making me choke or cause wheezing while coughing or trying to drown me in the swimming pool etc. Things that happened once in a while which I ignored even though I knew a force was after me. Anyways when I told anyone nobody believed it. I barely told anyone and thought this all will go, I will be able to fight it.

I will share an instance of the first attack for telepathic talking or voices that happened in 2017. It was the day of the solar eclipse. I was in my VA house, alone. My landlady and her family lived upstairs. I had just gone out to see the partial eclipse through glasses. After that this began. I knew something was communicating with me and I suddenly started believing that I have cancer. Out of the blue. It was a sudden thought. It was as if someone was trying to tell me that I had cancer. I asked these beings if it was true that I had cancer they sent me a signal /sensation on my throat which I interpreted as yes. (They used signals to indicate their answers by giving me sensations on my throat area etc- one for yes and two for no- is how I interpreted it. My interpretation has no verification but now I know through Quora and other social media pages and discussion with other schizophrenics in forums that this happens to others too) That was the start of my first and last real delusion and the early beginning of schizophrenia. I believed in it so much that I immediately booked my flight from US to India to show myself to doctors here because medical here is cheap. I also started having another delusion at the same time that I am dying due to the cancer very soon. I called all my friends and family and told them that I had a serious case of cancer and I am coming to India to get treated. Everyone including my parents believed the delusion and were extremely worried about me.

On the flight to India for 5–6 hours I had this “waking hallucination”- I was verbally/audibly/with all expressions etc talking to these demonic beings and trying to figure out what kind of cancer I had. I distinctly remember this. I remember the whole conversation. I was fully aware of myself and Lymph node cancer is what was finally agreed upon. I was talking to these beings and also knew I was in the flight and verbally talking and was aware that others were looking at me and it was embarrassing. It was embarrassing that I was talking like that to unknown beings while others might have thought I was crazy. My fellow passengers were often looking at me. I was feeling ashamed of what they must be thinking. But I do have a lot of self esteem so I handled it well. That was a waking hallucination. I can laugh at it now still holding the theory that this was one of the first attempt of demons trying to connect with me and trying to break through my aural boundaries. I was trying to make sense of all this weird phenomena- it can be too much to take the first time.

Just to finish the story, after I came back home (India) my delusion of “dying soon” lasted for 2 days where in I lied down on a bed announcing to my parents that I am going to die of cancer in 2 days. They believed it and my mom even commented that it’s not your age to die so soon. That was the confidence people had in my rationality. I was doing a lot of prayers and wishing everyone well because I was going to die. After that the delusion of dying somehow ended and I went to the hospitals etc, got MRI etc done and was found to be doing well. After that the delusion of cancer also ended. I havn’t had any belief based hallucinations or delusions like this after that.

Now back to demons and how they manifest? Well I can see them as visual images (but imaginary not the real ones in front of my eyes), I can hear them, I can feel them moving about in my space. The picture above is an example of how I see my avatar demon move about in my space. There are 4-5 of them but I think these are avatars. They are only one or two. And they take on multiple avatars. At one time only one avatar is active. These are called multimodal hallucinations in schizophrenia – seeing, hearing, feeling things- but they are actually real demons that are doing this. So when they connected they started with picking avatars from my mind- my friends, my movie stars, my relatives- a combination of all together- packed into a visual avatar. The avatar is slightly different from the real person I know as my relative, friend or movie star. Won’t look the same but will be a modification of it. You may or may not believe it is them. I don’t. I know clearly it is not them. But I know these demons can play with my beliefs and change the stuff so that I start believing in something. Or maybe they are just not as capable- they don’t know how to handle beliefs. Every demon must be different.

The voice chosen by the demon is also of my friend’s or relative’s etc. But slightly different. It is just something they choose through which they manifest. They get to be someone. They are able to download these voices, images, feelings etc from our memory. They play with our memory, thoughts, feelings and beliefs. They can also feel because the memory that is downloaded has feeling in it. They take that feeling. And for that moment they become that avatar. That is how they get to be someone. They told me that. They tell me that they like to harm, they like to have fun like this and they get to become someone.

More later!